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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
01/06/2016
The gift of a true friendship lasts a lifetime

Do you notice how some people sweep into your life and change its landscape forever?

Over the past few weeks I’ve found myself reflecting on the saying that did the email rounds some years ago about people entering your life for a season, reason or lifetime’. I used to quote it constantly, particularly after relationship break-ups; attempting to justify the ending.

But lately I seem to be challenging its basic premise; I’m discovering that many people who enter your life for a season or reason tend to leave their mark for a lifetime.

It could be a word uttered, a moment shared, an insight gained; but these things etch into the fabric of your being. You are different because of them and they are most likely different because of you.

Today I sat at my kitchen table eating breakfast, uncomfortably staring at a now empty seat one of my dearest friends had occupied for the past two weeks, having stayed with me for her last days in Oz. In her place were the flowers she picked on our walks and strays of her blonde locks.

I took in her re-arrangement of the candles, crystals and vases that I had in the middle of the table and I couldn’t quite get myself to change them back; somehow I felt if I did, I’d be trying to go back to how it was before she wandered into my life.

 

A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.

 

The funny thing was that I nearly didn’t be-friend her. I knew she was a traveller; I had a hunch her stay in Byron Bay, or even Australia, wasn’t going to last long. I’d met and lost’ a friend not unlike her many years ago and I wasn’t keen on repeating it again.

But I did, and I’m glad; as although her stay in Australia isn’t forever, her place in my heart is.

In the last few weeks we’ve sat under the moon eating carrot cake; watched the surfers catch the last waves as the sun sets over the Bay; harvested water lilies; devoured muffins and chai at our local cafe; read out aloud from our cherished books and personal journals; and basically indulged ourselves in the childlike love of life and nature we both possess.

Never once did my energy zap; it felt as if we were constantly filling up one another’s cups.

True friendships feed your soul because they allow you to be you.

You’ll never come out empty from an encounter with a true friend because you aren’t exhausting yourself trying to be something you’re not. Even if you’re discussing a difficult topic, which you’ll bound to do often, as life does present us with challenges, it will be about the way the content is brought to light.

You feel fed, full and nourished because you’re giving yourself the space to be you; no filters attached.

This is why these friendships last a lifetime; the people may no longer be in your physical space or you may not even be in contact any more, but they are part of you because through them you were reminded of who you really are.

 

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When I looked at my most treasured friendships (and relationships), I found it wasn’t about whether we had mutual interests, could have stimulating intellectual conversation or laugh till our tummies hurt. Although all good things and part of an enduring connection, in the end it came down to how we made one another feel.

Could we sit in silence without laughing, talking or doing’ something and still be content in one another’s space?

Do I feel safe in their presence? Could I cry or scream in front of them?

Do I make them smile? Do they make me smile?

Can I just blurt out my thoughts and feelings and know they’ll be held?

Do I want to do nice things for them?

Do I want to be there for them? (I mean want’, not have to’)

Do I find myself sharing things I’d only previously thought I could share with myself?

Does thinking of their wellbeing and happiness make me feel good?

Do I want them to be the best version of themselves always?

Do I give to give, rather than give to get?

Do I love them; unconditionally?

We all know this can be rare and precious; so of course those who become this for us, can never leave us.

 

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After breakfast today, I went to fill up my watering can and noticed little violets near the tap. I’ve had this same routine for three years now and never once noticed the violets. Before my friend left Byron, I told her whenever I saw a flower, I’d think of her; and here, on her very first day away, I was reminded that her place in my thoughts and heart is forever.

I stopped for a moment and soaked up this magical feeling, knowing that no one can leave us if we’re just willing to open our imagination to other ways they can be with us.

Spring morphs into Summer, Autumn turns to Winter; so too do true friendships and relationships never end, but are only transforming into different forms.

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
04/05/2016
My place or yours?

I used to spend a lot of time in other people’s heads.

Usually they were boyfriends, work colleagues, close family or friends; sometimes they were acquaintances or even strangers I’d only met once.

Mostly, I went in there because I wanted to know what they were thinking about me or what I’d just said or done.

Sometimes I’d even invite others over to this place too; I’d spend endless hours with friends exploring every inch of the grey matter of my current target.

Typical triggers were: when someone I’d had enjoyable interactions with just one day turned cold or didn’t smile or say hello anymore; a friend or partner disappeared from my life; a text message went unanswered for weeks; or a stranger gave me an angry growl.

Like a near-death experience I seemed to jump right out of my body and into theirs. Physically I felt lighter, flakier, less centred, unfocused; even fragile. All of my sensitivities came up at once; I lost presence and the ability to ground myself.

By gosh, it was a tiresome occupation and quite frankly, extremely unsatisfactory, as I never really found what I was looking for. After all how can we find anything in a place we don’t belong?

When I got sick, as if by divine intervention, I stopped doing it. I can’t say it was due to a lightbulb moment or purposeful intention, but simply because it drained my energy and I had no extra energy left for zapping.

As I recovered and occasionally reverted back to my role as a ‘brain surgeon in-training, I decided to do a bit more digging around this trait of mine.

What was I really looking for in those heads? Why did I do it?

 

Street Art by Mark Samsonovich

Street Art by Mark Samsonovich

 

I found that the tendency to visit someone else’s place comes when you don’t feel comfortable and confident in your own.

Hmm, that was a slap initially!

In my case I was either looking for someone to give me validation that my place was pretty cool, or for them to confirm that it wasn’t; both dead-end routes!

Self-doubt and the need for validation are human traits. Most kids learn at an early age how to gain approval; namely how to do something that another likes and how to get praise and reward for it.

So as an adult, when someone does something we find odd, we are often hardwired to try and think of a way to please them so that they may change their behaviour to something we like better. This may involve trying to work out what they think or need, thus our propensity to jumping into their heads.

The way I’ve learnt to acknowledge this human desire but not yield to it is by grabbing hold of it before it grabs hold of me.

Recently I had a situation where I was about to attempt another brain dissection. I found myself drifting into that old familiar out-of-body experience, but then I chose differently; I chose to slow it down, as if I was watching it from above. As I did so, a wave of self-love washed over me; I noticed the little girl seeking approval and I saw myself with a new form of kindness.

And then; I melted. This melting took me to my heart, right back into the centre of my body where I rightfully belong.

I was present enough to really hear the other; see them; feel them. I noticed things like the way they might search my face for an answer; how they fidgeted when nervous; or how their eyes lit up when we shared a “moment.”

These insights helped me to realise that they’re just human too; and it opened my heart even further. It’s in this heart opening that I found exactly what I searched for in all the wrong “places” for so many years; I discovered that the more I stay centred in my own body, the more I actually learn about the other!

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06/04/2016
Eating with the weather Part 2: The autumnal shift

I wait for the wind to tell me that Autumn has arrived.

It comes in that shift from the warm Summer breeze that seems to tickle my soul, to the cold, even harsh, current of air that penetrates my bones.

Living in Byron Bay, it happens more subtly. The moisture coming off the ocean seems to temper the change of seasons. Though the surrounding flora blossom colourful berries and bright yellow flowers, there are no deciduous trees to really mark the Autumnal switch.

In my first year here, Summer just seemed to roll into Winter and it was only after a conversation with a tree-loving friend that I realised it was because I never saw an Autumn leaf! That oh so familiar sight of green turning red, then orange, and finally through to yellow, doesn’t occur in an Australian native environment.

So although Autumn officially commenced over a month ago, it took a trip to Melbourne for me to feel ready to write this piece. Having swum in a 26 degrees ocean the night before, touching down in the southern state provided a shock to my system that reached straight into the part of our body that feels Autumn the most – our skin!

Within 24 hours my otherwise soft and smooth complexion started to show little cracks, my moist lips went dry and red patches formed in those places I’m prone to irritation. It’s not only the green lush leaves that shrivel up, but us too!

 

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Autumn in the Yarra Valley

 

Normally one to prepare for the transition in season, I was very unprepared this time round! The focus for my trip was on an event I was running and it didn’t quite occur to me to get my body ready alongside. Almost overnight I had to swap my eating habits and lifestyle choices to pacify a highly confused and quite frankly, pissed off, body!

The temperature change from Summer to Autumn can be one of the most challenging for us, so let me share with you now a few tips I’ve learnt along the way to help you adapt to some of the changes you may be experiencing.

A dry cool air characterises Autumn in most places; and the majority of us will either suffer from extreme dryness or its opposite, excess mucous and congestion. Both are connected to the function of our lungs and our immune system.

Our skin and other mucous membranes such as our nose, ears and genital areas are the first point of contact with the external environment. If they aren’t in good health, or well protected, our body will be more exposed to the pathogens that come with the cooler weather.

Autumn is the time to not only strengthen these orifices but also to not irritate them further. If you are a heavy smoker, drinker or drug taker, Autumn can be a better time than Spring to give yourself a break from these toxins. If you aren’t ready to stop, at least try some of the following suggestions to further support your system.

 

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Mother Nature’s jewels come in the form of the bright seeds of the Pomegranate

Rather than worrying about dosing up on Vitamin C, Zinc and other medications or supplements, selecting a variety of foods from Autumn’s bounty will ensure you are in good stead for balancing the energies of the season. If we just look for it, Mother Nature provides us with all we need to work with her seasonal changes.

One of the most important functions of our body during Autumn is to allow the energy to move smoothly around our organs and within our cells and particularly to the surface areas, when and if required. This can’t occur if our energy is sluggish, contracted or weak.

Consequently, you’ll tend to notice a variety of pungent vegetables come into season. Choose from white vegetables such as onions, garlic, turnip, cabbage, parsnip, leek, cauliflower, ginger, horseradish and mushrooms and you’ll be building your immune system with every meal.

At the first sign of a cold, it’s crucial to get our energy out to the surface area of our body with pungent foods, so why ginger tea or chicken soup spiked with onion and carrots are traditional remedies.

A tip I discovered during my illness was to have the ginger without the lemon; the latter is contracting in nature and may stop the energy from warming the extremities. Once you feel like the cold pathogen is out of your system, it’s then time to rest, drink the lemon teas and restore the energy on the inside of your body.

For those of us on the dry-side and needing a little extra moisture, you can’t go past the delicious array of Autumn fruits. Pears, persimmons, figs and apples are particularly good for stimulating fluids, as are some of the seasonal nuts, such as macadamias and pecans, that are beginning to fall from the trees.

 

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Autumn Figs

 

As well as the drying of the skin, we tend to experience a drying of other bodily fluids, including our saliva. This can severely effect our digestive system and our ability to fight off pathogens that enter the body via our food. Stomach acid is our number one weapon against bacteria and is created via good saliva. This is where the recently popularised fermented foods, such as sauerkraut, come into play.

Spending more time in the kitchen taking in the aromas of freshly baked, sautéed and roasted foods provides a natural way to stimulate your salivary buds. After all, who of us doesn’t feel an overwhelming pang of hunger walking into a bakery?

Likewise, we all know we can start to salivate when we see something we desire; this concept equally applies to food, so staring down at a nicely plated dish can do wonders for our appetite!

To protect our mucous membranes we need foods bursting with Vitamin A such as eggs, golden orange vegetables and dark leafy greens, coated in a good quality saturated fat such as butter, ghee or coconut oil.

For me, two foods epitomise Autumn healing: butter and ghee (clarified butter). Having essentially saved me’ during my days of chronic illness, they not only protect your delicate mucous membranes but are essential short chain fatty acids that feed the good bacteria in your gut.

Whether you’re dry or congested, in all cases Autumn is when we need to start getting warm and cosy. It isn’t the time for green smoothies, juices and raw food. Rather it’s when we need to start to slowly rekindle our digestive fire for the colder winter months ahead.

For those needing moisture, warm soups, bone broths and porridges are the go; whereas for those needing to dry out, opt for more spices, ginger and chai teas and the healing chicken soup.

The less biting Autumn sun is also a wonderful source of immune strengthening Vitamin D, so try getting a 20 minute daily dose of these warming and delightful rays.

 

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New season root vegetables fresh from a Melbourne farmers market

 

 

Lung congestion is not only caused by a toxic life and poor eating habits, but also by repressed long-term grief. Constipation, which may become exacerbated in this season, is often a literal build up of these emotions.

For those willing to take working with seasons a step further, Autumn provides us with a magical period to let go of unresolved sadness.

Without exception, as the season turns each year, I’m always provided with an opportunity to deal with a long-held emotion. For me, tears and Autumn are synonymous; I embrace and move through any sadness or suppressed feelings as I know Mother Nature is giving me the time to do so.

Cravings for hot and spicy foods are often a sign of contracted emotions. Pungent foods tend to move the stuck energy, but only temporarily. Feeling your emotions, physical movement and deep breathing are better ways to permanently deal with these. There is a reason why we feel better after a good cry or can breathe easier after a yoga or tai chi session!

Make the most of this season of letting go’ and you’ll be rewarded with a stronger immune system and be in good shape for the coming of the cold, still and more inward-focused Winter.

#This article is the second in a series of pieces on Eating with the Weather’; the first article published in February 2016 is on Attuning to the nature of late summer.

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23/03/2016
A sacred place just for us

Please, please, open the door, I pleaded, experiencing my first ever panic attack as my best friend remained locked away in the bathroom with my precious diary.

I was just 16 years old and already planning the suicide letter I’d leave my parents. If he read my diary, I’d never be able to face him, or anyone, ever again.

Fast forward 25+ years and how things have changed! Modern day versions of diaries are splashed all over the internet for all to see in the guise of blogs and social media posts.

Although often extolled as a replacement for our now dated’ journals, when comparing my own personal experiences of journaling and social media, I can’t help but feel they are worlds apart.

Even more so, it struck me that re-introducing the concept of old fashioned journaling could be an antidote to some of the problems we’re experiencing on-line.

There is something unique about journal writing that is being lost in our cyberspace world; most obviously, the privacy of it. 

Neatly packed away in boxes in my parents garage lie over 15 years of journals. Volumes and volumes of my thoughts, experiences and dreams – all written exclusively for me.

Ironically, although we call them selfies’, the pictures and/or posts on social media really have nothing to do with us. They are taken or written for the other’.

Social media posts are not for ourselves – like my diary – to release, digest and learn from, but rather to inform, impress or share with others.

As a result, what often happens is a type of filtering of our lives either based on what we want others to think about us, or what we believe others want to read or hear.

On the contrary, my journals were heartbreakingly raw and candid. It’s where I created my relationship with my-self’. Where I got to know me; my loves, fears, desires, strengths and weaknesses.

I wrote freely, often without sentence structure.

It was all about expressing and letting go with no judgement or expectation. Although they were yet to be invented’, I needed no likes, shares, re-tweets or comments.

My diary was my closest confidant; it held all my secrets. It experienced the deluge of emotions from my first cut in love; it was engulfed by my despair at losing my first grandparent; it contained my confusion around the passage into puberty; it soaked up my tears from the bitchiness of teenage years; it was my companion when there was no one else around. It supported me when I didn’t even understand what support really was.

A friend of mine shared with me recently that she’s uncomfortable with the term self-love, thinking it supports the all-about-me’ generation of today.

When I hear this I’m saddened as real self-love, which I prefer to call self-value and self-acceptance, has nothing to do with the selfie’ culture.

Real self-love is about valuing our own selves just as we are; no filter attached.

It requires no validation from others. My journal provided me with my very first experience of this.

As it turned out, my best friend all those years ago never read my diary, he was just trying to push my buttons that he knew how to play so well.

However the fear I experienced in that moment was real; it was a taste of what it may have been like to be totally vulnerable with someone, yet it would’ve been terrible timing if it had happened. We were too young for that.

We were too young to hold one another’s fears, loves, dreams and open questions. We didn’t have the skills or life experience to deal with the consequences.

This demonstrates another reason why journal writing may be a lost art that needs resurrecting.

It provides us with a safe haven to toy with this idea of vulnerability. Something the internet does not.

As a teenager it wasn’t always easy transferring the same honesty I had with my diary to my non-diary life, but it didn’t matter.

As long as I had a place to hone the skill, I knew that with the confidence that comes with maturity, I’d eventually be able to move it from the private page to the public forum.

In fact, my journaling days were where I developed a love for writing and practiced my trade.

Along with life experience, I attribute those years of confessions’ as the impetus for me being able to write today with openness, vulnerability and rawness.

In social media we’re missing two key aspects of journal writing: the full transparency and the secrecy and sacredness of a home just for us.

Perhaps, if we all had a place to be ourselves, to relish in own thoughts and experiences unfiltered, we may start to see and value ourselves a little differently too.

We all need a sacred place – just for us!

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
08/03/2016
How honest are our conversations?

Spend a day asking people how they are and you’ll probably be able to count the responses on your one hand: good, busy, well, ok and fine.

Personally, I’m a third generation I’m fine’ girl. Once when I mentioned to a friend that my grandmother and mother always responded with I’m fine, he retorted, So do you!

One of the take-home messages from a personal development course I attended over a decade ago was to try and remove good’ and bad’ from my vocabulary. In a post course coital-like bliss, I spent the next few months replying to every How are you? with some splendid word, such as wonderful, fabulous or amazing!

After a few months, the banned words crept back into my lingo and I forgot about the whole idea.

It was only in recent years that I really came to understand the purpose behind this exercise. It wasn’t about replacing good and bad with more descriptive and exciting words; it was about replacing good and bad with truth. After all, neither words accurately describe a state of being or a feeling. If you were asked to draw a picture of good, what would you draw? Whereas it would be a lot easier to draw sad, angry or even fearful.

While eating lunch at a cafe not long ago, I started up a conversation with a stranger. When he asked me how my day had been, I paused momentarily. Shall I tell the truth or be polite and umm, err, lie?

Sick of the masks and the emptiness of pretence, I chose to tell the truth: If you want the real answer; actually, I’ve had a rotten day. I had massive fight with my brother and under these sunglasses are very red and puffy eyes.

There it was; out! Oh, it felt so liberating and real.

I waited; there was a good chance he would bolt. Yet instead of moving further away, he slid closer and we ended up sharing a lovely lunch together.

We didn’t even discuss my fight much. My honesty hadn’t been about wanting to dump on someone, it had been about accurately answering a question; and what it did was allow us to connect as humans, not robots that respond rhetorically. By me sharing my truth, he found a way in to connect with me.

Our most common response of good’ doesn’t encourage conversation or enquiry. It’s like a full stop. Is that why we do it, to avoid deep connection? Or do we say good’ because we don’t want people to know we may be feeling bad’?

Yet, most of us have up and down days. Why do we pretend we don’t?

This pattern occurs all the time, not just in our daily greetings.

I spent many years with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and as a result I had to learn to be very direct and honest in my communications. I had no choice; I had to ask for help often and I had to let people know when my energy was low and I was unable to do things.

Interestingly, when I got better, in my desire to show everyone that I wasn’t sick anymore and could do things on my own, I replaced my old third generation I’m fine’ with I’m ok, you don’t need to worry about me.

True, my friends and family didn’t need to worry about me as much anymore, but not so true was the fact that I was always OK.

The cafe chat with my new friend reminded me of the importance of speaking our truth always. It doesn’t mean we need to offload our problems on someone, it just means being real to who we are in each moment; and this authenticity is actually attractive, not detractive.

Sure, there will be some people that may run from honesty. Maybe they’re busy, maybe they’re scared you are going to dump on them, or maybe they don’t want to address their own stuff; but usually I find when I open up, it allows the other to take a big sigh of relief and allow their realness to emerge too.

And if it doesn’t, then I return to one of my favourite Dr Seuss quotes: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

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24/02/2016
The emotional power of music: how does it stir you?

At a wedding I attended recently, as the first notes of the bridal waltz began to circulate through the otherwise silent room, the waitress standing behind me burst into tears. My heart ached for her; how inconvenient for that unintended, yet so familiar, reaction to occur on the job. With no box of tissues on stand by, she had to wipe her eyes with the napkin wrapped around the wine bottle she was holding.

(more…)

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
10/02/2016
Eating with the weather Part 1: Attuning to the nature of late summer

It’s become commonplace in the foodie and wellness circles to talk about eating with the seasons. I like to extend this concept out a little to what I call eating with the weather’.

In a vast country like Australia that covers many regions and in a world where climate change means our old seasons aren’t so easily recognisable, it’s sometimes challenging to recommend one type of seasonal eating across the board.

Having lived in the sub-tropical Northern Rivers for three years now, nothing could’ve demonstrated this point more clearly to me than a recent trip to Melbourne. Just looking at the colour and length of the grass there told me the whole story.

I left a home where my garden was at its most lush and my lawn needed to be mowed fortnightly, and arrived at my parents house to short, prickly, yellow, umm, grass; if you can call it that!

If our exteriors look so different, wouldn’t it make sense that our interiors need a little tailoring too?

As we approach the end of Summer, two weather patterns will dominate our country: the dry heat of the Southern states and the humidity of the sub-tropical and tropical Northern areas; and sometimes, due to the whim of mother nature, they may interlope one another.

The key is to understand how to work with these different scenarios.

We all know the best time to hang out our washing is on a warm, dry day. This is because the heat and air dry up the water. Conversely, doing your washing on a rainy, hot day will do nothing except further water log your clothes and make them smell, well, a little mouldy!

 
IMG_0068 washing

Our bodies work exactly the same way.

A dry environment will soak up our fluids more easily, so we need to keep replenishing them. The key to living in a hot, dry place is to keep up the moisture, whereas in a damp environment we actually need to dry up that extra moisture; our main priority being air and lightness.

When choosing your foods and cooking, really tune in and ask yourself do I need more dryness or more moisture?’ and select accordingly.

One of the best ways to test for dryness or moisture is through the fluid levels in your own body. Check your skin first: is it silky soft and plump or parched and rough? Another good indicator is fluid retention around the stomach and/or feet.

In Melbourne I could drink more fluids and eat heavier foods as they provided much needed hydration. The same meal that had nicely satisfied me in Melbourne left me feeling heavy and bloated when I ate it again less than 24 hours later in Byron.

Even though it may appear to be lovely to have fruits and vegetables from all over the country – and even, scarily, from other countries – actually one of the best ways to accommodate weather pattern variations is to eat locally; like, real local!

Mangos, coconuts, melons, papaya, dragon fruits and other tropical fruits grow in abundance in the northern areas of Australia because they balance the humidity. Cool and refreshing, they have a diuretic-like action that hydrates but also removes excess fluids.

Yet in a dry climate you don’t want too much diuretic work happening as you want to retain the much needed fluids. When I moved to the Byron area, I really struggled with water; in fact I rarely felt like drinking it, but I craved tropical fruits, and still do.

A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.

Although there are differences in the texture’ of our climate across the continent, the one similarity is usually the temperature: hot!

When I was younger and before I fell ill, I always thought heat was best countered with cold. Think ice cold beer, refrigerated drinks, ice-cream and iced teas. Hmm, how wrong could I get?

We’ve all experienced that feeling when we jump into the cold ocean and shudder for a moment; ladies in particular will be familiar with the initial sensation of the water on a bikini exposed midriff.

This is no coincidence as our tummy happens to be in our midriff and cold contracts. So rather than dispersing the heat in our bodies, it actually contracts it within. We may feel a temporary relief from the cold soothing sensation, but it doesn’t really solve the problem; just ask any guy who has taken a cold shower to alleviate sexual desires!

That contracted heat may come out to bite us at a later point, often in the form of illnesses with the arrival of Autumn.

I also learnt that it’s our digestive fire that actually transforms the fluids in our bodies, so if we keep putting out the fire’, the fluids don’t really go anywhere useful!

To know what to do, again we can turn to nature. Look at the weather, it doesn’t give us cold snaps and cold rain in Summer (unless of course you live in Melbourne where the temperature can plummet 20 degrees overnight); rather it provides us with refreshing fruits on our trees, an array of vegetables, sun-showers, electrical storms and beautiful breezes.

The best bet is to access nature’s bounty and when drinking, go for room temperature.

IMG_0076 watermelon

If you do occasionally desire something cold, here are two tips to follow to support your digestion.

Firstly, include something sweet; yes, a good excuse to enjoy the sweet flavour! A little bit of sweet helps to stimulate and pacify the digestion, which will be a tad angry at you for making it cold. This doesn’t mean fizzy, soft drinks, but it’s why sweet fresh fruit abound in Summer. My hydrator of choice is a slice of watermelon, or try cracking open a real coconut or adding mint to your drinks.

Secondly, have it between meals; give your digestive fire enough time to warm up again before your next feed.

So as the last of the Summer days set in, look around to nature and its weather for your food guidance. Take head and follow her lead; you won’t be disappointed.

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
23/01/2016
If being present is about paying attention to the moment, are we ever present anymore?

Byron Bay is arguably one of the most beautiful places in Australia, if not the world, so we get a lot of tourists. Each evening when I do my sunset walk along the beach, I notice the tourists stop and take a photo of the spectacular vista.

The strange thing is that they stop to take the photo and then move on; they rarely stay and watch the remaining setting of the sun. I feel like running after them, grabbing them and screaming, Come back, you’re missing the best bit!

It’s like once it’s in the camera or phone, they’ve captured it and can then move on; but what have they captured? What they’ve secured on their smart device is a milli-second of an entire one hour show. And besides, it never ends up looking the same on film. I know, because I often take the same photos to send friends back in Melbourne and I’m always disappointed in what comes out.

The same applies to our obsession with sharing photos of our meals at cafes and restaurants on social media. By the time the photos are taken at the right angle and light, I feel like shouting, Eat, it’s getting cold! We might capture the look of the dish but what about its smell, taste and texture?

In the photo taking we lose the experience of what we’re actually taking a photo of. The experience is the essence. The photo is just a record – and a scratched one at that.

Try this the next time you see something beautiful that you want to share, whether it be a meal, sunset or cute dog – stop and watch it! Be totally present by engaging all of your senses – sight, sound, touch, smell, taste – and then write about it and post it to a friend or post it here. How did it make you feel? Don’t think about what you’re going to write while you’re doing this; just be’ and let the words come afterwards.

This very act of getting in touch with your senses gets you out of your head, which in turn brings you back to the present moment. In our mind-based thinking’ world, we are losing the present momentstry this simple exercise as a way of bringing them back!

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
23/01/2016
The first step to making a change is to do nothing

We were driving along the highway in Byron Bay when my friend said to me, You were sick, you had to change, you had no choice.  He paused momentarily, and then added, What happens if you aren’t sick? What happens if you have a choice?

The following week another two people asked me if I would’ve changed had I not got sick.

We talk about change as if it’s taboo, a punishment, or purely out of our realm of possibility. Why?

Based on my personal experience and observations there seems to be a few reasons most people choose not to change.

Firstly, and quite simply, we’re often so caught up in our lives’ that we don’t even realise that we could make a change, and for the better.

Secondly, if we’ve got past first base and know there is something we’d like to change, it becomes a matter of practicality. We don’t know how to go about the change; we have no clue where to start, so we don’t.

Thirdly, and probably most importantly, unless we’re forced’ to, we prefer to cling to a certain way of life to avoid the pain or loss associated with giving it up.

This last point explains why change most often occurs when we’re presented with a situation that appears to give us no choice, such as an illness, death, job loss or relationship breakdown.

A fable once shared with me demonstrates the process of change so beautifully. There was a boy who lived in a cave and one day he asked his mother what was on the other side of the wall of their cave. His mother responded by saying that she didn’t know, but that whenever someone went through the wall they never came back.

I’m now on the other side of that wall and I can tell you why no one comes back!

When I decided to move from Melbourne to Byron Bay, it was the most illogical’ decision I’d ever made in my entire life. So sick, I was barely able to wash my own dishes, let alone live in a cottage in the hills by myself, yet it was also the most certain decision I’d ever made in my life.

We avoid change because we try and intellectualise it. We try and do’ change the way we’ve done everything else in our life. And let me tell you, that doesn’t work.

Undertaking real change often involves a different intelligence than that which we use in other parts of our life; the type of intelligence that enables you to walk through walls.

If I’m totally honest, when my first friend asked me the question, I wanted to pull the car over right there and say from the depths of my heart and soul, If you have a choicechoose. Choose life.

I wanted to say this because I believe choosing life’ is the first step to making a change. We’ve lost the capability to change as we’ve lost touch with the way nature and the universe works. We’ve lost touch with real’ life.

Change is intrinsic to life. It’s happening around us in every moment of every day. The seasons change, the day changes, the weather changes, our body changes.

Once we learn to mimic and flow with nature, we start to embrace change – and thus life – more.

This may appear ironic at first, but what enabled me to change was an acceptance of my reality. Many of us chose not to change because we like being in a state of resistance. We hold on tightly to things. We hold on to Summer because we don’t want Winter; we hold on to our kids or parents as we don’t want them to age; we hold on to a relationship that isn’t working because we don’t want it to end. But this is all done in our mind, because in reality, change is happening regardless of our acceptance. Winter is coming; our kids and parents are getting older and our relationship is breaking down. With our acceptance it’s a kinder, and dare I say richer, process for us all.

In facing my illness, I chose to have the courage to live life in all its uncertain glory. I stopped resisting it and went with its flow. Truly living life for me now is experiencing its light and its shadows and embracing many of those things I once ran from.

Therefore the first stage of change is actually to do nothing. To just sit with your life as it is; no resistance; no running from it; no desire to change it. To choose your life as it is in this very moment. Try this for awhile and see what comes up

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A Seasonal Life with Sharon Sztar, Australian writer, trainer and facilitator in Byron Bay.
22/01/2016
The healing feeling of summer holidays

The sweetest memories of my youth always involve our summer holidays. And these holidays always involved either the beach, the mountains or bush. Whether it be the carnivals, penguin parades or pier donuts at Phillip Island; the fishing, horse riding and bush walking at Thredbo; or the sunsets, theme parks and ocean swims at Surfers Paradise, I found peace in those times. I found love and felt loved. I looked forward to them the whole year and the memories of them lasted a whole year.

On my beach walks this past week I’ve been noticing the families on holidays. A slightly different scene to the usual Byron Bay backpackers or surfers. Yesterday I watched a young boy, about five years old, get up on his surfboard for the first time. Mum was recording the event on her phone, Dad was standing close and directing the ascent and big brother was the cheer squad. It was such a life affirming moment that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

Others were playing cricket, kicking a ball around, building sand castles, munching on chips and burying one another in the sand. Kids were crying, pulling at dad’s legs, hugging mum’s bosom and towels were being constantly wrapped and unwrapped around youthful bodies. There was a flash of colour as the varying shades of swimsuits mixed in the splashing of the water.

There is something very special and grounding about watching families on holidays. The ties are loosened, the shields are dis-armoured and love is on full display. Even a friend of mine who was dreading the six weeks of constant kid entertaining sent me a short but revealing text the other day saying: ‘fun Christmas with lots of beach swims!’

The place that draws us and allows this unraveling is nature. Whether it be a beach holiday or camping trip, the typical Australian holiday seems to centre around the great outdoors.

It’s only now, as I’ve traveled back to my source – my true nature – that I’ve realised this is no coincidence. And it’s not just about the weather. Summer holidays in nature aren’t only our chance to recharge, but to equilibrate.

It’s a way we all heal. For even a few weeks, once a year, we return to nature; to the place that can always re-balance us. Essentially we are back in our true nature. We are away from the world that armours us, that has us fearful of letting go, that has us caught up in its race.

Although I know they were probably in bags and back pockets, I was so happy to see very few people watching videos or talking on phones at the beach. They were engaged in physical activity of one sort or another. It was like mother nature’s pull and the negative ions of the water wouldn’t allow the space for that type of energy.

Even all those years ago unconsciously I realised this. I knew they’d be at least two weeks a year when I could get back to my source. When I could be free. When I could re-balance.

The fact that those summer holidays blaze more strongly in my memory than any other childhood event says it all!

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